My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
