More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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