he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
