so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
