the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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