You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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