Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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