I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
