just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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