This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
