so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
