So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
