Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
