"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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