I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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