Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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