You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
