Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
