My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize