Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it glows. i had to have it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
