a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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