so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize