I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize