Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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