I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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