M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
