and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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