In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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