So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's blow job season.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
