She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
