I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
