I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
