Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
