I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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