Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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