I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
