jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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