I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
