It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
