Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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