Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
