Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
