Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
