quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
