I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
