1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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