I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize