She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
