i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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