would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
