Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
