Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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