we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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