I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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