My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
