He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
