K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
