I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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