bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
