I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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