There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
