I must be too annoying 4 u.
worst night to have a conscience
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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